Getting Past Getting Paid

What is the DNA of relationship building?  Stimulated by a recent post on David Maister's excellent blog, I've been trying to find out.

The notion that business at whatever level is primarily about relationships of course isn't new. But in the literature I've read, there seems to be little attention paid to the particular behaviours that are conducive to getting a relationship started and then sustained.  And there seems to be pretty much zilch about the cultural variations in these desired behaviours around the world.

Now, generalisations may not be entirely helpful, and what works for one person in a certain country will clearly not work for all.  But I'm really interested to find out if there are a few key behaviours that would really help get a business relationship under way - and I'm talking at the micro level here, not the macro.  Having "integrity" and being "trustworthy" are clearly to be recommended - but what do these phrases really mean, and how can they be clearly demonstrated?  The parallel with personal relationships is, I hope, apt.  After all, it wasn't until a mate of mine (forecefully) suggested that an obsession with Dr Who and a hideous line in tangerine sweaters were not likely to get me a date that my hit rate with the fairer sex improved ;-)  Maybe my little "thanks for meeting me today" emails that I think are pretty cool and polite are (for some clients) the business equivalent of those sweaters?

I'm going to launch an online survey in the next few weeks about this - some of my clients with international networks have generously agreed to participate in the data gathering.  If you or your organisation are interested in the research, please do come aboard! For now, I've just jotted down some of the specific behaviours that we'd like to find out about.  Which of these turn people on - which turn people off?  Or is this stuff trivial and irrelevant?  Watch this space.

Any additions/thoughts/critiques gratefully received. 

These are the things that are important to me if I am to feel positively about a professional adviser on first meeting.

He or she:

Cares about his/her physical appearance

Has a firm handshake

Maintains steady eye contact

Comes prepared with a brief presentation about himself and his organisation

Formally sets out his/her credentials

Presents business card at the start of the meeting

Presents business card at the end of meeting

Tells stories about his/her experiences of other clients

Engages in non-work related conversation

Is totally work-focussed

Sets the agenda

Asks me to set the agenda

Reflects my own words/position back to me to seek clarification

Uses plenty of gestures and facial expressions

Is fairly neutral in gesture and expression

Smiles frequently

Demonstrates an in-depth knowledge of my business - has done his/her homework

Takes notes

Expects to do most of the talking

Lets me do most of the talking

Has a sense of humour

Concentrates on fact finding

Is aware of, and concerned about, how I feel

Explains about costs and charging “up-front”

Establishes an explicit “next step”

Leaves the meeting open ended, without specific action points

These are the things that are important to me if a relationship with a professional adviser is to be fulfilling in the longer term .

He or she:

Is always on time

Uses my name frequently and remembers the names of my colleagues/friends/family

Shows an interest in my support staff and treats them with courtesy

Returns calls and emails quickly

Is always accessible, even outside of working hours

Seeks out and remembers facts about my personal life

Discloses information about his/her personal life

Communicates effectively:

            in writing

            via email

            on the phone

            in person

Presents effectively to:

            small groups (less than 10)

            large groups (more than 10)

            one-to-one

Focuses on the big picture

Focuses on the details

Shows emotion  - I know when he/she likes or loathes an idea

Shows little emotion – I have no idea what he/she feels

Is quick to generate ideas/solutions

Takes time to generate ideas/solutions

Conveys a sense of urgency

Conveys a sense of calmness

Presents me with multiple options and is totally impartial about them

Presents me with multiple options and expresses a strong preference about which to choose

Presents me with a single best option to suit my requirements

Keeps in regular contact between transactions

Keeps contact to a minimum except during transactions

Tells me what I want to hear

Tells me what I don’t want to hear

Demonstrates genuine technical excellence – knows his/her stuff better than anyone

Demonstrates an understanding of how I define value

Demonstrates an innovative/unexpected way of doing things

Challenges my assumptions

Tells me if he/she thinks I’m wrong

Tells me if he/she thinks he/she is wrong

Tells me immediately when he/she doesn’t know or can’t help

Insists on written/verbal feedback following every transaction

Introduces me to people, both inside and outside his/her organisation, who might be helpful to me

Takes me out to lunch and invites me to high profile sporting events

Drops me a line soon after our meeting to thank me for the meeting, summarise what we discussed and suggest some action points

Leaves me time to reflect on our meeting and doesn’t bother me with superfluous emails

Delivers on time all the time

Often delivers ahead of schedule

Comments

[David Maister]

Wonderful list. Do check out my book THE TRUSTED ADVISOR which addresses the same issues and also provides checklists.

[Michael]

From my experience there is going to be many variables effecting the results, not just the obvious cultural differences. Things like:

- Personal preference (strictly keeping business and personal lives separated)
- Organizational (some frown on, or outright ban employees from giving or receiving gifts, dinners etc)
- Goals for the relationship (maybe the manager actually wants a yes man)
- Legal (there might be a legal obligation to explain, or not, certain parts during the process)

So some of these might be absolutely required and be deal breakers if they are not there. Others will be entirely optional.

And to build on your list, I hope you ask "how do I demonstrate [insert macro level behaviour here] to a stranger" in your survey...

[Steven Pearce]

Michael - the question you ask is very much what the survey is all about. How DO you demonstrate your integrity to a stranger. Professionals will doubtless dismiss many of the behaviours enumerated here; "this stuff is all superficial" etc. Fact is, these things are all your clients have to go on. So at the risk of undermining my own work of the past 5 years, I'm really keen to find out which, if any, really matter. And sure, everyone who replies is going to have their own take - but the trends I think will be interesting.